ONE word guaranteed to wreck your self esteem
We have spoken a lot about the C words we absolutely LOVE and can’t live without but there is one that the crew at YDY absolutely HATE!
The definition of it is:
A consideration or estimate of the similarities or dissimilarities between two things or people.
Have you guessed what it is yet? BINGO - well that starts with B so it isn’t that.
Our definition is slightly different:
As kids that we don’t compare each other or ourselves, there are hundreds of videos of studies that have been done of kids looking at others and asked to pick what is different about them and it is very rare they will give the answer an adult would when viewing the same thing. There is something so beautiful in that right?
We are taught as we grow up to do this and I believe this happens in both a healthy and unhealthy way and it often makes me wonder, when does the change happen?
I was never brought up to compare myself to others but rather encouraged to stick to my own lane, beat my own drum and set my own path which has suited me just fine. It is something I will be forever grateful for from my parentals and something I will surely be passing on to my little self assured offspring.
A sports player will compare themselves to their competitiors to see what they are are doing differently/better and what they can do to improve which I think is perfectly healthy, at the end of the day they only improve themselves by comparing their last performance to the next.
Susan is the same age as me and she has already had a boyfriend, wears mascara, is skinnier, has more friends/followers, opportunities and just has a better life. This form of comparison quickly turns into jealousy which never breeds anything good.
Being brought up the way I was meant that I always strived to be better at things I was genuinely interested in rather than wasting energy on things I didn't like. Yes that’s right, I was that annoying kid at school that got the “ALL ROUNDER” award a lot. I wasn’t the dux of my year group or anything but did well at school and the sporting grounds is where I really shone most of the time. I was the kid that was good at every sport - a killer netball player, always selected for the representative teams, the captain of the ball games team in year 6 and lawn bowls team in year 11, basketball, oz tag, tennis (I would quit every 6 months when they told my parents I should play competition because I didn’t want to, instead of just saying no thanks, what a dickhead). There wasn’t a sport I didn’t try and when I did there wasn’t many that I didn’t achieve at.
I know right now it seems like this is just a diary entry about me saying I am the best and whilst I AM, the point is that I never compared myself to the other kids, I was friends with everyone and have always been the person that befriends even the most unlikely person which I love. There is something magical in getting to know what sets someone's soul on fire rather than all the things they like that are different to you.
There is some joy I get from listening to other people’s stories and seeing my friends and family achieve amazing things makes me want to celebrate like it was my own victory. I guess that is what we all should feel when we have the right crew around us, every win should be celebrated, no matter how big or small, how insignificant it might seem to someone else.
Don’t get me wrong I have spent my fair share of time wearing the jealousy hat that is fuelled by comparison and even now when I feel myself in that space I do what I have to do to quickly leave it again. There is nothing wrong with letting yourself have those feelings but what is important is not to dwell where these feelings live and to always work on yourself.
Becoming a parent helped me to enjoy the little wins so much more. If you told me 10 years ago that I would do a happy dance in my pj’s over a mini human doing a poop I would have laughed in your face but here we are :) I guess the truth is that having kids in your life (whether they be your own, step kids, nieces, nephews, friends, ANY) they help you to see the world in a light that should never be taught out of us.
At YDY we love to bring the playground into the boredroom and there isn’t a day that we don’t send each other some Stewpid messages or funny quotes and often catch ourselves saying “If people heard these conversations what would they think”? The truth is, I don’t think we really care because we love it and to us that is all that matters.
The thing is that comparing yourself to others around you is the easiest way to wreck your own self esteem, disconnect from others and really mess around with your mental health.
It means that we no longer see our own self worth and what we offer the world, it gives us clouded judgement of the choices we then make in our lives because we are so busy worrying about what someone else if doing or how they will perceive what we are doing. The quickest way for you to think there is something wrong with you or your life is to compare and it definitely is not healthy at all.
The world is big and scary and in your face/business (especially with social media) so it is easy to feel like your life isn’t good enough or as good as someone elses but always remember that someone else would kill to be in your position. There is always someone doing it tougher than you and there are always new friends to be made so knock down the Great Wall of comparison and start living your best life by embracing who you are and what you have to give.
Remember that you don’t know what someone else is going through and may have no idea what it took for them to get there or be where they are, just because it looks easy now doesn’t mean they haven’t been slogging it out day and night so always be kind.
If the people around you currently don’t like seeing you win (no matter how small) they are NOT your people, don’t be afraid to start again and keep trying until you have them. It is amazing what the right crew can do for you and your mental health to keep you humble and grounded and most importantly YOU!
Until then, See You Next Tuesday!